Thursday, September 4, 2014

Colon Chat

As you may or may not have surmised from fb, I had a colonoscopy yesterday. It all happened rather quickly, though that ended up being for the best.

Last week I dropped off a 'sample' at the lab to check for c diff in my stool, in the hopes that this relapse was a bacerial infection. Every day since then had been a back and forth mentally between I think I'm getting better to Oh god, this is not getting better. I waited patiently for another 6 days to get the lab results back and concurrently prepared myself to work 4 consecutive overnights. sigh.

This week starts my schedule change from working Fri Sat sun to Sat Sun Mon, and because I'm the one that works 30 not 40 hours per week and it wouldn't put me into overtime, I got the joy of overlapping the days to get me and my cohort (the other shift superviser) to our day change. Plus it was me that wanted the change so I was willing to take the hit of working an extra day. It was murder.

I won't go into too much gross detail because y'all don't want to know my bathroom habits. By Sunday I had told Sean I was switching to a liquid only diet. He was unhappy, but he went to the store while I slept to get me a ton of almond milk to mix with muscle milk powder as meal replacement.

Monday night I was pretty sure I needed to be placed on some strong antidepressants and/or quit my job. Tuesday morning I decided to stop eating altogether and just go on water for a day or two. So I called my doctor. They had an opening for a scope the next day.

What proceeded next was the most painful but rapid bowel prep of my life. I lost 4 pounds in 24 hours.

The scope itself was uneventful, the anesthesia was pleasant (I love propofol). I now have pictures to prove how upset my colon is. My doctor said he was hurting for me.

Next we get to wait for diagnostic results, hoping that this is a relapse of the viral infection. If it is not the virus, then what is happening is called 'medical failure' and we discuss what to do next.

What is strange, is when my doctor came in afterward and we talked about the options (albeit brief), when surgery came up I wasn't scared. There have been some times in the last month that I thought to myself I would prefer to have a bag than deal with this pain anymore.

The other option is additional medication. However, the side effects on those meds may not be worth it.

Here's for hoping it's viral!

So in conclusion, if you're looking for a good time and want to lose a few pounds, you may want to consider taking 4 strong dulcolax and drinking a bunch of gatorade with a ton of miralax in it. The experience is indescribable. At least it improves on the previous experience with the gallon of salty drink preparation. That one ends in over indulgence of drink, and in my case- vomiting.

Finally, I think we shall strike from the table in the future ever possibly considering purchasing a new, larger, more expensive tv. That only leads to medical bills.

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